Car full as you stare out the window and realize that everything is about to change. An overwhelming sense of excitement and fear sweep over your mind. The moment is here, and college is only a few miles down the road.
Your mind races with questions…
“Will I find my place? Are people going to accept me? Am I good enough? Will I make friends?”
“Will I belong?”
“I want to belong.”
…
For many of us this moment feels like a distant memory, maybe you’re a senior and asking all of these same questions regarding your future and post college plans, or you might be a junior like me feeling the upperclassman pressure to perform well in every area of your life, and if you’re a freshman or sophomore still figuring things out, I see you. You’re not alone.
Since the beginning of time humans have had a desperate need to surround themselves with other humans. Our souls crave to be known and hearts desire the sensation of connection.
I don’t care if you are the most confident and successful person in the room, I know you have these thoughts, this deep desire to be fully known, this hope that as you continue through life you will belong.
To belong… What does that even mean?
Is belonging acceptance or proving yourself? Or maybe it’s working hard or saying the right thing.
I had these thoughts. I wanted to belong.
Two pink pillows on my twin sized bed, a pink rug, clothes unpacked and crammed into the little space I had, and eyes full of wonder as my parents drove away leaving me in this new world called college. I reminisce on freshman year with so much gratitude because it was a year marked by growth (and also a lot of fun). I would be lying if I said that I immediately felt at peace and like I belonged to something. There were moments where I wondered if I was ever going to find the community I had been earnestly praying for and in those moments the Lord held me so tight and near.
I met people, I made friends, and I felt like I went to everything but everywhere I went things felt… shallow. Conversation lacked substance, when all I wanted was to love the people around me well and be loved by them.
I asked myself the question, who do I want to become? And as I wrestled with it, I came to the conclusion that I wanted to be someone who made others feel like they belong even if at times I didn’t feel that myself. Constant moments of epiphany happened as I engaged in deep conversation with freshman girl after freshman girl who all struggled to feel a sense of belonging.
What was missing? I didn’t understand. All of these girls were involved in organizations, making friends in their dorms, making the ‘perfect’ posts, but would come to me feeling hopeless and discouraged. From the outside it looked like they had it all and it probably looked like I had it all too but is that really everything? Is the end goal a curated life that others want? For outsiders to believe we’re known and know everyone?
To belong is to feel deeply accepted, valued, safe, included and known. So I ask the question how can you belong when no one deeply knows you? You can’t.
The closest friendships I built freshman year that still remain today are the ones that we let each other in. We told each other the hard stuff. We were honest.
Drop the facade. Drop the act. No more pretending. You’re not perfect and you never will be.
What breaks my heart is that so many people go through life without ever experiencing this deep joy that comes with being known and belonging. Maybe they have been hurt and fear opening up ever again, there could be a million reasons why someone could feel invisible or forgotten or like they almost belonged but never truly did.
We are instruments of connection, everyday when we walk out the door we have the choice to be kind. To love someone. To know someone and therefore make them feel a sense of belonging. That is power, please do not take that power for granted. How incredible it is that through one interaction we have the ability to change the trajectory of someone’s day.
There are so many qualities that make incredible and set-apart leaders and I could easily go on a tangent about all the different character traits that make an exceptional leader. But, you know, the best word to describe these types of people is magnetic. They are the people that everyone is just naturally drawn to, and here’s the thing, they’re not puffing themself up, they’re not trying to build their brand. They want to know YOU. They see YOU. They care about YOU. Leaders who truly care about those around them and make everyone they talk to feel like the most important person in the room, those are the type of leaders I want to become.
Who do you want to become? What type of leader do you want to be?
